Hamlet by Shakespeare (part 2)

AS I WAS SAYING…

Claudius and Polonius spy on Hamlet again except this time they put Ophelia with him. After like…3 seconds Hamlet figures out they’re probably being spied on. SPYING MOTIF. He says like ONE good thing to her and then starts insulting her again and calling her a stupid and unlovable ho. He’s super disrespectful to her.

But he figures the spying thing out but doesn’t catch Claudius and Polonius. He sort of…attacks Ophelia but he doesn’t hurt her. In the end she’s on the ground, probably traumatized by this crazy guy she once loved. But off course she’s a woman so Claudius and Polonius only talk about Hamlet before like…20 lines later they go “Oh my dear, Ophelia, are you okay?” Like…woooooowww okay.

Anywho, things happen. Hamlet FINALLY is all “I’M GOING TO DO MY REVENGE NOW!” Buuutt he has to know if Claudius is really in fault. He knows, because he clearly believed what his ghost-dad tells him (we don’t know if the ghost is real or not because no one else can see/hear it. Only Hamlet and the guards). Hamlet deviss a plot to use these actors that came through to act out one of his favorite plays (we find out Hamlet REALLLY likes drama. Big surprise since he’s pretending to be crazy and makes everything super dramatic). He’s all “THIS WILL GO GREAT” and he tells his BFF Horatio and his BFF is supposed to watch the king’s face as the actors act out the play that Hamlet went over and “fixed up” with his own events (which have to do with a king who is killed by his brother, a queen who marries the new king, and yea…). Halfway through the king is all “I CAN’T WATCH THIS!” And they all leave. And Hamlet is all “YAASSS I GOT HIM. I’M SO HAPPY I CAN KILL HIM NOW. I WILL!” He and Horatio have a victory dance.

About a week later Hamlet still hasn’t killed Claudius. Why? Oh he saw the guy praying in a Cathedral and he just couldn’t kill him because it meant his soul will go to heaven. Once again Hamlet contemplates suicide (he does this a lot. It’s sort of depressing. But if you were in his shoes…yeah.) but the only thing stopping him is that he will go to hell if he kills himself (Purgatory), according to Roman Catholic teachings. Soooo Hamlet figures he hould probably kill this guy NOW. So he’s super pumped again. He goes and talks to his mom and he treats her the same way he treated Ophelia only now he throws in incest and the queen is so sad because she loves her son, everyone loves Hamlet especial her. She’s super sad and even though his ghost-dad told him to leave her alone, he keeps insulting her. And the ghost appears and he’s all “oh…how are you good lady” and she’s all wth? And the ghost disappears and he keeps bombarding her with insults to the point where he has her by the throat. Turns out Polonius was spying on Hamlet AGAIN but with his mom because aparently he thought Hamlet will tell his mom everything. So he tries to pop out o behind the window curtain but Hamlet freaks out and thinks it’s a mouse and uses his sowrd and yeah…Polonius dies. He goes back to insulting his mom before finally when he’s about to leave he’s all “oh, it’s my past lover’s dad!” and just drags him out.

People start dying when Polonius doesn’t get a proper burial. The people of Denmark are now pretty angry, probably realizing that they love Hamlet and he should be king instead of Claudius who just parties and drinks all the time. Laertes, awesome guy, comes back and leads the mob against Claudius who smooth talks his way into getting Laertes on his side. In the end, Laertes wants to kill Hamlet but listen to this part…”HE WANTS ONLY THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE TO PAY. NO ONE INNOCENT SHOULD BE THE AFTERMATH OF THEIR BLOODBATH”. Laartes and Claudius plan to have Laetes fence with Hamlet since he’s so good. And if that doesn’t work, they’ll have a poisoned cup Hamlet will drink from after.

Polonius is dead without proper burial so Ophelia goes mad. Hamlet is super sad but don’t feel bad for him because all he did was call her a HO anyway. Then she dies but everyone has a different version (the water attacked her??, she committed suicide, she just fell off a tree and drowned, etc. who knows I think she figured out she was pregnant and the only one responsible for it wants nothing to do with her so her life was basically over…). Hamlet is sad, like really sad. SO NOWWWW he decides to kill Claudius. But first…he wants to fight Laertes because it’s fun. And he has to assert his dominance as king which has been happening pretty frequently now (Hamlet is now changed). He has this whole apology to Laertes that’s super heartfelt which explains the royal change in Hamlet.

 

But Laertes doesn’t except because in the fight there is a rule one of them has to die and he doesn’t want to die so Hamlet has to. If Hamlet doesn’t die he’ll face MORE dishonor than he is facing now because his father didn’t get a proper burial (it’s a really big deal). So they fight. WHILE THEY FIGHT, the queen, Gertrude, takes a drink from the poisoned cup (all the king says is: “Gertrude, do not drink” direct quote, I am not even kidding I swear! It was like Polonius saying “I am lain” right before he died. The last thing he said) and she dies. Hamlet is distracted and he is hurt by the sword. But as he and Laertes fight they somehow switch swords and Laertes is wounded too. So both of them are going to die.

Hamlet is so mad that Claudius killed his mom, he forces Claudius to drink the rest of the poisoned wine and Claudius ties too. Laetes, probably the only good guy, is soooo sad because he didn’t want anyone else to suffer, just Hamlet. So he sort of welcomes death. Now Horatio is the only one left (B/C Hamlet ordered the death of Rand G while they were in England). Hamlet tells him he has to tell the story of what happened.

NOW YOUNG FORTINBRAS COMES IN (because Old Fortinbras was killed by Old Hamlet so he was trying to fight Hamlet for his father’s death. Sound familiar?. He is from Norway and was trying to get revenge the fair way)He comes in and sees all the royal family dead. Everyone but Horatio is not dead.  Fortinbras is sad because now he can’t avenge his father’s death. Even though Hamlet named Fortinbras the king before he died, Fortinbras wanted to win it through fairness. He even says that Hamlet would have been a good leader. So to try and make things fair he gives Hamlet the highest honorary burial, a military burial. There’s this HUGGEEE MESSAGE In the end that if you want to get revenge, get it the Fortinbras way. Through your own strength and fighting truthfully and fairly. Not spying, hating on woman, acting, using every sneaky way possible.

That’s pretty much it.

I like Hamlet because he represents teenages. We want to do stuff but we put it off until it gets too serious and then we die. (JK about the last one. I just think he was too naiive. He should’ve been a bit more realistic)

I like Horatio because he was the only person that survived, the best friend. He was loyal and cool, like Hamlet, my bro. He even wanted to die with Hamlet because when generals lost a fight and died, their soldiers usually killed themselves too.

I like Caludius becuse he was the evil oneee. Mwannhahaha. Nahh he was the only one who didn’t hate on women.

I looovveee Fortinbras because he was so sweet. Like his uncle (King of Norway) gave him everything and he still wasn’t spoiled and try to get everything by not working hard.

Basically, the women sucked anyway so I didn’t mind the misogyny. I would have been like Hamlet anyway if he wasn’t like that. I mean, I get that they had to be like that but…yeesh!

THE GULL ANALYSIS OF THE PLAY IS COMING TOMORROW! GET READY!

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